HuffPost: 6 Signs Your Perfectionism Is Ruining Your Vacation
Self Space therapist Becca Trayner was recently featured in a HuffPost article about the stressful impact that perfectionism can have on what might otherwise be a relaxing vacation.
For many people, an upcoming vacation is exciting because it gives them something to look forward to throughout the year. Maybe they get to explore a place away from home or, if they’re traveling with family, perhaps their trip is an opportunity to connect with loved ones. Maybe their vacation is a desperately needed respite from work.
But for perfectionists, an upcoming trip can be a source of stress — and the vacation itself might be hard to enjoy as a result. Perfectionists are known to put a lot of pressure on themselves and feel at fault for things that aren’t actually their mistake. This makes vacations, which are often full of curveballs, potentially challenging times.
Does this sound familiar? Here are some signs that perfectionism is ruining your trip and what you can do about it, according to therapists:
1. You may be inflexible when plans change.
“When something doesn’t go as planned, a perfectionist might have a lot of trouble adapting,” said Jennifer Chaiken, a licensed marriage and family therapist who co-owns The Therapy Group in Pennsylvania and co-hosts the ShrinkChicks podcast.
That’s because perfectionism can give you a false sense of control and “a level of rigidity,” she added. Perfectionists may feel like a “perfectly planned” vacation — with tours, meals and outings arranged down to the minute — will mean that nothing can go wrong, but this certainly isn’t the case.
“In reality, as we know, nothing is perfect and there is so much that is out of our control,” Chaiken said.
For example, a perfectionist might have “this perfect idea of an excursion that they want to take,” like visiting a waterfall and taking an ideal photo next to it, she said — but ″if the weather isn’t nice, perfectionists may have trouble adapting to creating a new plan that would allow them to enjoy their day in a different way.”
2. You misplace blame when things inevitably go wrong.
According to Chaiken, both internal conflict and external conflict are common among perfectionists.
“Perfectionists are so hard on themselves and other people about not meeting perfection standards,” she said. “There are a lot of ways that that can lead to internal or external conflict.”
When plans get disrupted, perfectionists tend to blame themselves or someone else instead of accepting that some things are out of their control, she said. They also set unrealistic expectations for themselves. On vacation, a perfectionist might get self-critical about not planning better in advance when museum tickets are sold-out. Or they could blame their partner for choosing a restaurant that ends up being too busy.
Blaming themselves or someone else is a way for perfectionists to express more control over a situation that has gone awry, “when in fact ... life is just out of our control,” Chaiken said.
3. Or you may bail on a trip altogether.
According to Becca Trayner, a licensed mental health counselor at Self Space in Seattle, perfectionists often want things to go so perfectly that they end up imagining every worst-case scenario — a habit known as catastrophizing. Maybe you panic about a potential incoming snowstorm and end up canceling your flights, for example.
“It’s not just that once we go on the vacation, we’re having all these thoughts of ‘everything needs to be perfect’ — you need to have the perfect reservations, the perfect plans, the perfect outfit — but sometimes there’s so much fear around that not happening that