How in touch do you feel with your emotions? Are you able to experience them in the moment they are happening? How about identifying which emotion or emotions are in that moment? Then, how do you express or use this information from your emotions? If this is sounding like a new way of thinking about your emotions, you are not alone. Many of us have never been taught or shown how to effectively interact with our emotional experiences. 

I have observed in my therapy work that many people dismiss, distract from, or minimize these occurrences. This happens for a multitude of reasons but it can become problematic or ineffective when we don’t know how to meet our emotional needs. When we are unable to meet these needs, our emotions can become more intense or linger for far longer than we would like. So how do we learn more about our unique emotional experiences? It may be helpful to first start by understanding why we even have emotions.  

In the teachings of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), emotions have three core functions: to communicate information to ourselves about our internal world, to help communicate to and receive support from others, and to motivate or prepare us to take action. In short, that is a ton of information that emotions are meant to provide to us! But learning how to decipher this information becomes that much more challenging when many of us don’t even know what certain emotions feel like in our bodies. 

Emotions are a biological experience, meaning that many of us actually physically feel the emotion in our bodies. For example, it is not uncommon for us to notice sweating, a churning stomach, or an urge to run or get away when we are experiencing anxiety. Whereas we might notice a lightness in our chest, smiling, and an ease in our body language when we are feeling happiness. Becoming more familiar with your individual emotional experiences can be the first step in learning how to better cope and manage them. The hope is that when we are more acquainted with this process, we can then care for our emotions versus minimizing them. By doing so, the research shows us that emotions tend to dissipate quicker and aren’t as overwhelming to sit with.

If you have ever thought that your emotions are unhelpful or a distraction, I hope by reading this perspective you will start to see how knowing your emotions is actually a benefit. As Dr. Brené Brown has famously said, “We like to think we are rational beings who occasionally have an emotion and flick it away. [But] we are emotional, feeling beings; who, on rare occasions, think.”

Amanda Kieser is a Self Space Eastside therapist. She helps her clients better understand their own feelings, thoughts, and symptoms and has experience treating people coping with depression, anxiety, trauma, disordered eating or eating disorders, and body image concerns. She also loves helping clients with identity work including sexuality, gender, and culture.